Why taking train is a dreadful experience

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I’ve been taking train for numerous years and I can safely say that it has to be the worst form of public transportation available.

I realize this is painfully obvious so I’ll keep it short.

Top five reasons taking train is basically disappointment on wheels.

    1. Trains are never on time

Why train times exist, is one of those philosophical questions.
They should just market themselves with the slogan
“we arrive, when we arrive”.
When the train isn’t incredibly early, it is monumentally late thus scheduling around train times is not advised, if you value your sanity.
Being on time anywhere requires at least three hours of planning ahead.

    2. Creepy, dodgy people

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A guy followed me and a friend to her mother’s car last week because he wanted to be our friend.
Really?
You make friends by following them around?
This is not social media; real life does not work this way.

    3. People who put their feet on the seats

No, just no.
I must sit there.
I wear light pants.
Why do you do this?


    4. People who smoke out the window

Contrary to what you may believe this does not work, in fact this will never work.
All that smoke you think you blew out the window ended up in my face.

I do not smoke so therefore I am not pleased.

Just Stop
Thank you

    5. Personal space

There are forty seats open and you choose to sit next to me, why?
Why do you do this?

But wait, there’s more…
You also need to brush up on me every five minutes because that is the most natural thing in the world.
Also thank you for starting my internal debate on whether I should move or not.
Spoiler alert!
Not moving, is winning because I have pride and I probably chose a really good seat.

Respect yourself,
by investing in personal space, today 🙂

I’m not even mad,
unless you try and smoke out the window, then you are a horrible person with no regard for other people and I probably hate you.

That being said I hope you all have wonderful train experiences in the future.

An open letter to new parents

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Dear new parents

We know you love your child and we love your child but you have to stop doing certain things because at some point in time we kind of feel the need to just hit you over the head.

Things you need to stop doing:

Stop telling people your child is 41 months old
I hate math and I don’t wanna start breaking out scientific calculators to work out your child’s age. Not cool, just not cool.

Posting naked pictures of the baby on social media
This is just creepy and freaking us all out. We are not paedophiles. Stop this, right now.

Month birthdays
This is not a thing. No one is celebrating your kid’s 4-month birthday. So you can just stop posting those every month because they’re sort of creeping us out.

Asking us how cute your kid is
I’m sure to you, your kid is the most beautiful creature on the face of the Earth but stop putting us on the spot and asking us how cute your newborn baby is. All newborns look the same and showing us pictures that look like potatoes is really not helping this friendship, stop doing this.

Putting the baby on the phone to talkto us
If you want to send me cute pictures of your baby go ahead, I love those. However for the sake of my sanity do not, I repeat do not put your newborn on the phone. The kid has no idea what’s happening and all I hear is a gurgling noise that sounds disturbingly like the creature in Alien. Lets just skype instead, ok?

And please if you can’t find a babysitter just don’t show up for movie night cause bringing your newborn with to watch Guardians of the Galaxy is just another way to make sure everyone hates you, forever.

Love V

“When are you getting married?”

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I’m probably the most inconsistent blogger ever, I don’t even think I’m allowed to call myself a blogger because I’m just that terrible at it *sigh*.

That being said, now that I’m in my twenties the question I get asked the most is: “when are you getting married?”
Followed by a statement that usually goes something like “You’re not going to be that pretty forever, you know”.
I know this is hardly something worth mentioning because it’s a relatively harmless question, but let’s break this down for a moment.
First of all, who says I want to get married? When did I say this?
Second, to me that question says I’m not enough on my own and I need another person to complete me. This is not the case either.
Also as far as beauty goes, it is in the eyes of the beholder, cliche I admit but very true, since I believe an interesting personality and a beautiful mind will always beat a pretty face.

This question is just a throwback to sexist gender norms. The whole idea dates back to a time when women were literally treated as property transferred upon marriage from one man to another
*inserts picture of a dad walking his daughter down the aisle*
(Did I just ruin that cute moment for you?)

Women had no legal rights of their own, so trying to tell us that this is what we should strive for in life, is just perpetuating the roots of these types of questions and the patriarchal systems that they’re embedded in.

This belittles our hopes and dreams. My ultimate goal in life is not to be a wife.
So by telling me I should be thinking of getting married and all that jazz you are essentially saying that what I want is not of importance.
*throwback to a time where societal norms dictated that the goals of women did not extend beyond finding a husband, keeping the perfect house and having lots of perfect little children, the end*

And the worst thing about this question is...
It assumes I don’t know what is best for me.
Additional statements of this question include:

“You just don’t understand how much better marriage is.” and “But your biological clock is ticking”.
The theme I’m sensing here is I don’t know what is best for me.
I’m very thrilled for you that we’re close enough that you feel like you know what I need in my life. The only person qualified in my life to make decisions for me, is me.

Instead of empowering women we are stripping them of power by taking away choices and pushing what we feel they should want, on them.

There is nothing wrong with getting married and wanting the people you care about to experience the happiness you probably experience but there is something wrong with telling them that you know better than they do.

So instead of shaming people like myself who has other life goals that doesn’t not include the perfect wedding or marriage we should accept people are different and marriage isn’t for everyone.

Feelings

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Never apologize for what you feel; that’s like saying sorry for being real.

I don’t know if this is something someone told me or something I read somewhere but it is undeniably true.

While I’m writing this, I’m sitting on my bed replaying the events of yesterday in my mind. I had this conversation and this boy told me I’m not allowed to complain about my situation because some people have it worse.
First of all you’re not allowed to tell anyone else how to feel, that’s like telling them what they are feeling is wrong and that’s just unacceptable because who made you the judge of feelings? Second, telling someone that they are not allowed to complain because someone has it worse is like saying you’re not allowed to be happy cause someone has it better.
There is always going to be someone who has it worse and someone who has it better.
If we live life thinking like that, we are never going to be happy or at peace because we are comparing ourselves to others constantly.
Being content comes from within by accepting who we are and what we have that’s important to us. Sometimes people need to blow off steam, some people go to the gym, some people go running, some people burn things and some people complain. These are all different ways of coping with our situations and living for another day.

So if someone tells you, you’re not allowed to feel what you’re feeling they are not worthy of your company or your presence.

Stop telling women to smile…

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So yesterday this random guy decided that me not wanting to smile for him makes me a bitch.

First of all, coming up to a girl and saying “hey baby, smile for me, a pretty face like yours needs a smile” is not a compliment, it’s not a greeting and it most certainly does not require a response from me. So go ahead and tell all your boys how much of a bitch I am because I didn’t give you the time of day. That just proves how right I was in thinking you’re a giant douche.

I know that to some people this might seem like I’m overreacting but to me this man felt entitled to tell me how to present myself in public in the form of a lame “greeting” and continued to talk about how I needed to get laid because that would put a smile on my pretty face.

Yes, I’m not smiling because clearly the only thing in the entire world that can fix my lack of a smile is getting laid since I’m sexually deprived.

So upon telling various people how I felt, I got comments such as “But it’s flattering, why do you have to be so uptight over a guy trying to pay you a compliment, Vee?”

I’m glad you asked.
It’s not flattery, it’s not harmless and it’s actually called harassment, street harassment to be precise. Nothing about harassment is flattering, this is not a compliment in fact this is basically an aggressive assertion of male dominance by dehumanizing someone.

I would not have felt uncomfortable or unsafe if this guy came up to me and said “hey, how are you today?” since that could be classified as a non-threatening way to start a normal conversation with a stranger.

These terms of endearment from strangers take on a whole different meaning and are actually insults disguised as compliments. Its infantilizing, I mean you can call a 5 year old “honey” but to anyone old enough to wear big girl clothes it’s insulting and not to mention degrading.
My problem with this is it only happens to females.
Can you imagine calling a guy you just met “baby” or “cutie” in casual conversation?
No, you can’t because this doesn’t happen in real life.
This substituting of my name with words like “cutie, sweetie, baby and honey” gives a sense of intimacy to a non-existent relationship.
We are not friends, we are not a couple and you probably don’t even know my name. So I’m thinking none of these substitutes are appropriate.

It freaks me out when a man I don’t know, tells me to smile because I have to stop and think, should I smile even though I don’t want to?
Will he attack me?
Okay this guy has 20kg on me if he wants he can probably hurt me pretty bad, right?
So in conclusion this is a form of body control, enforcing the idea that I am here in a public place not for my own benefit but to be pretty for men.

What I choose to do with my body is up to me and me alone.
You are not entitled to a smile, my time or a conversation just because I am a woman and you are a man.

You don’t know how I feel, you don’t know my life.
My dog could have died,
who smiles when their dog dies?

Sociopaths

So stop telling women to smile.

Crushes

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What’s a crush anyway?

When you Google crush you get stuff like puppy love and websites explaining to children what feelings are or how to deal with these types of feelings.

That doesn’t really help me now does it?

*sighs*

I’m twenty something years old and I still have a crush on a boy I met when I was eight. Is that still considered a crush, or am I just pining after something that in my head seems more pleasant then it actually would be?

Guess its true what they say, nostalgia is a dirty liar that insists things were better.

I mean what does an eight year old know about love? Or life? Or feelings?

The dictionary defines a crush as “being infatuated with someone”, which might be correct because when we have a crush we are usually physically attracted to the person and thus we can get completely carried away. In fact infatuation is like having an addiction, only instead of drugs the object of your desire is your substance.

I know you’re probably thinking what am I saying people can’t be addicted to other people. Oh! but people, can be addicted to other people, to the point of risking everything for the next hit of adrenalin. This is why some destructive relationships last so long because breaking the cycle is difficult.

Again this doesn’t help me at all

I’ve been going through every scenario in my head replaying things a hundred times and I still haven’t shed light upon my little problem.

The fact is I don’t know why I still have a crush on a boy I don’t even speak to that much.

When we reflect on the past we mostly regret things we didn’t do and we recreate our own memories simply because we can. Since the past isn’t objective we can fall into the nostalgia trap and live in our heads. This is a very unhealthy practice and it might even drive you insane.

A part of me just wants to text this boy and tell him everything but the other part is just like nope, stop that! Maybe I’m just too far gone to see him for the person he is, maybe I put him on a pedestal and I’m afraid if I talk to him too much my hero might turn out to have feet of clay.

So the moral of this little reflection on my life is its better to be disillusioned than to live with constant trips down memory lane created in the confines of your own mind. Sometimes taking the plunge may not always reward you but it will always make you free from the what if scenario.

That and love is unexplainable to someone that never experienced it before.

Friend-zoned

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What is friend-zoned anyway?
The Friend Zone is a fundamentally sexist construct.
This is solely based on the idea that women should be punished for putting their romantic feelings above that of an interested man.
Its like saying “ladies if a man is interested in you, you better not have an opinion about it cause a man is interested in you.”
Why this notion is completely ridiculous:
It assumes that the man can show up and blam! Relationship.
Really?
Because things such as being physically attracted, having a connection or being interesting couldn’t possibly have been considered when the lady in question turned down your advances.

It displays some sort of entitlement
Lets face it this friend zone concept is deeply disturbing and was created by these so called nice guys when they couldn’t score with a women who had no interest in them whatsoever.
So naturally it was never their fault. The problem with these type of guys are that they don’t respect the objects of their affection.
Its always the same story “oh she dates idiots and friendzones the nice guys”. First of all you don’t know since you’re an outsider to the relationship. Second if you were such a nice guy you wouldn’t have been bitter over a sense of your own entitlement while waiting indignantly for something that was never promised to you.

It portrays being friends with a women to be the worst thing you can possibly be
Since women can’t possibly be funny or smart or fun to be with unless we are going out with you *rolls eyes*

This is just a go to explanation for deeply misogynistic guys
These nice guys have this idea that all the men who women date are somehow unfeeling and uncaring. So in order for them to be dated they should just stop caring and become jerks.

Congratulations you’re already a jerk, how is that working out for you?

Stop using friend-zoned as a negative term to imply that you deserved more and now you’re bitter because this notion is apparently one sided.

You are not friend zoned, you are a friend.

People don’t owe you anything because you are nice to them and being mad at this fact just proves you are not a nice person. Being a gentleman because it gets you further does not make you a gentleman, it just makes you creepy. Having good manners should be just that, having good manners because that is who you are. Don’t expect people to reward you with things such as dating and sex, just because you opened a door or helped with a coat since that is just ridiculous.
People feel insulted when you don’t want to date them but think about that for a second, how is “I want to be your friend” offensive? Who frowns upon friendship?
What is a relationship anyway?
Isn’t it just a close friendship that includes physical contact such as cuddling, kissing and sexual intercourse. Intimacy is not restricted to romantic relationships.

Most people, me included are more intimate with a friend than they would ever be with a romantic partner.
There is nothing insulting or pathetic about being just friends however there is everything pathetic about complaining about how your friend doesn’t want to have sex with you. Those kind of people don’t deserve friends, y’all should just hang out in shady places and look for bootycalls.